Ask Jay: A dildo for men, lots of lube, and sounding explained

Hello, I'm Jay. I'm a sex positive, kink enthusiastic from Nova Scotia. Indulgence receives quite a few questions on love, relationships, sex, and health and I'm here to share some of these and my answers with you. Let's dive into the mail bag!

Meant for men asks: Can you recommend a good dildo for men?

Jay answers: Indulgence does carry an array of dildos for men. There is quite a bit of variety so the store should be able to provide something to suit your personal preference, whether you like something hard, something flexible, big, or small.

If you're not sure what you might like, may I suggest starting with the Avant P8 Love Dildo? It's designed to be a good "all in one" experience. It's long, yet tapered, it's got a flared base for safety and the base also means you can lower yourself onto it. This toy can also be attached to a harness to be used as a strap-on. Plus it has a textured surface to provide a little extra sensation. This toy has a little something for everyone!
Multi-purpose means multi-pleasure!

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All the lube asks: Is there such a thing as using too much lube?

Jay answers: Usually my advice when engaging in sex (or a new sex act) is "When in doubt, use a little more lube." This is especially true of anal play where you're dealing with a delicate region that isn't self lubricating the way a mouth or vagina can be.
Lube - it's here to help!


However, there are circumstances where you can use too much lube. If you can do the back-stroke in it, you've got too much. If there is enough you could drown in it, that's too much. If you've got the area so covered you can't feel anything, that's too much.

A lot of pleasure during sex comes from either small amounts of pressure or from slight amounts of friction. Ideally, you want your genitals (or fingers or toys) to be slick enough to avoid discomfort from friction. Lube is great for this. However, you don't want to use so much lubricant that there isn't any friction or pressure occurring. Too much lube will deaden the sensation and make it more difficult to get off.

My advice is to start with a small amount and add more as needed to make both people feel comfortable. If you start to lose sensation then you may have applied too much lube and may want to dab some away with a washcloth or tissue.

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What's that sound asks: What is sounding?

Jay answers: Sounding is the act of inserting an object, usually a small rod, into the urethra. While I've heard of it being done to women, almost everyone I've talked to about sounding said they practised it on men - sliding a small rod into the urethra of his erect penis.
This is a dramatic reenactment.

While it can be an intense sensation, it can also be a pleasurable one, stimulating the inside of the penis.

If you try this, please keep in mind a few things:
  • Anything you put in someone's urethra should be cleaned/sterilized first.
  • Anything you put in the urethra should be smooth (no splinters or sharp edges).
  • Your sounding rod shouldn't be fragile or likely to break.
  • Start small. Sounding rods can get quite wide, but you should start with something with a narrow diameter and work up as desired. Don't start wide or you may tear the delicate internal flesh.
  • If sounding hurts you should stop. Don't press on as pain means you're risking damage to the person receiving the treatment.
  • Start slowly and consider using some water-based lube to assist with the insertion.
Finally, sounding is a delicate procedure and one which, while pleasurable for a lot of people, can be uncomfortable if not done carefully. When at all possible, I recommend finding someone experienced to show you how to do sounding safely. Either by attending a workshop, a convention, or a sex club where someone can mentor you in the practise.