A handy dandy hand job

Fumbling in the dark, urgently tugging at zippers, scrambling to remove his jeans. Feeling the warmth of skin on skin as your hand wraps around his shaft. Then the excitement as, at your touch, his member grows hard and rises up to fill your palm. The exploration, the intimacy which follows is new, intense, and erotic. You are the snake charmer, getting to know your dance partner; the novice shaman learning every bump and ridge of their new staff. You are both breathlessly in wonder and delighted by the control you have over his body.

For many young adults, the first frisky, fumbling hand job is an introduction, a gateway into the land of sex. It is practically a rite of passage, a tentative yet sweaty experience in teasing and taming your new partner's body. Giving your first hand job is exciting for you (due to its newness and exploration) and empowering as you observe his reaction to your touch.

After a while it seems that most people move on from the hand job an focus on other means to sexual gratification. The wonder or initial contact is lost and the intimate sensations of oral and vaginal sex often replace that initial manual dance. The handy dandy hand job sort of fades away for most people as they focus their skills on other means of coaxing their partner toward orgasm.

Pictured: coaxing people to come with your hand

 

I've noticed in recent years this shift, as we advance down the path of our sexual journey, can lead to people looking down at hand jobs as something only newcomers to sex do. I've heard a few people make jokes in recent years about hand jobs, usually along the lines of "You want a hand job? What are you, 14?" Or "You want a tip for giving a good hand job? Use your mouth!" Which, sure, is funny, but let us not malign the noble hand job, especially as it can be a wonderful experience when done well. So let's talk about what makes for a good hand job experience.

 

Hand jobs are good foreplay

 

I think part of why the hand job sits so low on some people's sexual totem pole is that they are viewing it strictly as a method for getting off. A hand job can feel amazing, but it might lack the intensity of penetrative sex or an oral experience. Which is fine, the hand job need not replace those activities; not all hand jobs need to end in orgasm. But manual touching is fantastic foreplay! Whether a person is using a feather light touch with their fingertips or wrapping their lover's shaft in a palm-hug, the focus should be on the build-up. A good hand job should introduce light touch, build a little, coax the cock out, promise something more to come in the near future.

The hand job isn't about sex or the chasing an orgasm, the hand job is the forerunner to these things. It's the "walk up the stairs" leading to more intimate experiences. It is the tease, the temptation, the invitation to something even more naughty. 

You can tell something fun is going to happen at the top

 

My point is that we should not look at hand jobs as a method to get our partners off. We shouldn't be looking at them as a long process which will build and build and develop eventually into an orgasm (for him) and tennis elbow (for you). The hand job is the entree, the first nibble of what is to come. Start slow, start light, keep it relatively brief. The aim is to get him ready for sex, to make him want what comes next, to make him want you.

 

Manual slip-n-slide

 

One of the key features of a good hand job is lubrication. A lotioned palm smoothly gliding down the length of the male member feels amazing. Dry skin roughly rubbing the skin raw does not. There are lots of ways to keep your manual ministrations moist. Some people like to lick their palm or the shaft between strokes. Some people use hand lotion. Others are happy to try out lube specifically made for the purpose. Whatever you try, remember your hand should glide smoothly over the cock, not sandpaper it. Pause every few minutes to add a little bit more lube or lotion to keep things running smoothly.

This makes things go more... smoothly

 

Start soft and work up

 

In my opinion, a good hand job experience starts out soft and light. It's a feather touch, a teasing caress. Begin light, coaxing your male's member out of his boxers and into the light. Run your fingertips over it, caress the sides of the shaft lightly, run your hand over the area where the shaft meets his body. The idea here is to wake him up, to make him sensitive to your touch, to make him want more of your hand on him.

Once he is hard and maybe squirming a little, then take a firmer hand in the situation. Wrap your fingers around his hard shaft. Stroke him a little. Run your palm lightly over the head of his cock. Don't focus on any one thing too long, just explore the area. Watch your partner and see how he reacts when your touch grazes over certain parts of him, return to those places.

Allow your touching to become more intense. Stroke him faster, keep returning to touch him in the places where he reacts. Be sure to check in occasionally. Ask him if he'd like you to squeeze him more, move your hand faster, touch him more in a certain area. Encourage him to direct your hand as the experience becomes more intense.

This guy gives direction well

 

Using one hand frees you up to do other things

 

While you are dialing up the erotic touching with your digits the rest of your body is free to do other things. You can talk dirty, lick your lips, kiss, lean in close and listen to his breathing change. You have a hand free to touch yourself, play with a vibrator, hold his hand, suck his finger. Play around with some other activities while you are stroking his cock, see what he reacts to, what feels good for you. Chances are he is going to love seeing you use your other hand to work yourself into a frenzy while you are stimulating him at the same time.

Like this, but sexier

 

You can also encourage him to touch you. Have him run his hands over your body, ask him to hold your vibrator in place while you tease his shaft. Ask him what he wants to do to you while both of you run your hands over each others' bodies. A hand job starts with the hand, but a great hand job incorporates all of your bodies - hands, mouths, words - and maybe some toys.

 

Incorporate toys

 

Speaking of toys, don't hesitate to introduce some toys into your manual routine. Maybe these are toys designed to stimulate you while you stimulate him. Having an extra vibrator, nipple clamps, or a butt plug can feel good and put you in a sexy mindset while your are stoking his sexy thoughts with your strokes.

There are toys for him too. There are a number of aids that can help spice up a hand job, ranging from various lubrications to toys like the Tenga Egg. These toys are often paired with lube to add a little texture or additional sensation during manual play.

Meet your partner in crime

 

You can also mix toys together. For example, you can blindfold him, start the hand job, then introduce a toy like the Egg. He'll be pleasantly surprised and probably curious as to how you are causing the new sensations. Blindfolding him and then playing with a vibrator while stroking him is sure to get him wound up too as he'll be able to hear your breathing intensify while you are gripping and stroking his cock.

 

The finale

 

Earlier I mentioned that most stellar hand jobs are about the foreplay, the "walk up the stairs", not the sex and the release. A good hand job can end in orgasm and everyone celebrating with cake & fireworks, but often hand jobs are the entree to other activities such as intercourse. Which might leave you wondering when to call an end to the hand job and how to conclude it and move onto something else. In other words, what does the dismount at the end of a hand job look like?

There are any number of reasons you might want to bring a hand job to its conclusion. Maybe stroking him has got you so worked up you want to ride him like a stubborn pony, or maybe he's breathing hard and eager to be inside you, or perhaps your arm is getting sore and it's making you worry what brushing your teeth later will feel like. Whatever the motivation, this is a good point to engage in communication. Tell him what you want to do to him next and ask him if that sounds good. Or try the reverse, ask him what he wants to do to you now that he's hard. 

He will have some ideas

 

Ask him to take you, tell him you want to ride him, ask him to go down on you. If you're shy and don't want to talk, just lay back and make the "come here" gesture with your finger. He'll get the idea. The key here is to not simply stop and then look for something else to do. Plant the seeds of your next activity just before you wrap up the hand job. Once you let go of him, whether sex or a shower together is next on the agenda, there should be no pause between when your hand leaves his shaft and when you're starting the next event.