Picking out your first kink toy

Do you have the urge to try something kinky? Perhaps you watched a TV show where detectives interviewed a dominatrix and you liked how she looked in her leather corset and thigh-high boots. Or maybe you read 50 Shades of Grey and it sent tingles down your spine. Perhaps you've just been thinking recently it would nice hot to spice things up in the bedroom. Whatever your motivation, you've decided now is a good time to buy a kinky toy and inject some forbidden excitement into your life!

Only now you're standing in the adult toy store (or browsing items on-line) and all of these whips, corsets, and handcuffs are staring you in the face. What should you get? Where do you start? What is half of this stuff even called anyway?

Hello, I'm Jay, a kinky gentleman from Nova Scotia. Today I'd like to talk a little bit about how to select your first kinky toys. I'm not going to presume to tell you what to buy, but I will share some tips on finding kinky items that will give you a better first experience.

To thine own self be true

The first piece of advice I give everyone who is interesting in exploring kink is that kinks are very personal. What turns you on might not hold any interest for someone else, and something that excites someone else might sound unpleasant to you. Kinks are a lot like food in that way - enjoyment of them is highly personal and a matter of taste.
Also a matter of personal taste.

I bring this up because regardless of what first got you thinking about kinks to begin with (whether it's a book, movie, or new lover) chances are you will find yourself inexplicably drawn to one particular idea of fantasy. When your mind drifts into kinky thoughts chances are it points to something specific you find hot or taboo.

Maybe you dream of being tied up and groped by strangers, maybe you fantasize about being ** spanked, perhaps you want to put on a pair of heels (and only a pair of heels) and strut around the house while people watch you do housework. Whatever that calls to you, listen to that kinky siren song and then plan your shopping trip accordingly.
This siren sings an especially alluring song.

Following up on my previous examples, if you picture getting tied up then you're probably going to want to get your hands on some rope or bondage tape and a pair of safety scissors. If you desire a spanking then seek out beginner friendly paddles and soft floggers. In the instance where you want to be watched being naughty without being touched then consider picking up some heels and lingerie. In short, picture your fantasy in your mind and what you'd like to experience. Then plan to outfit your closet with items from the fantasy.

I feel this approach, of visualizing what turns you on and then focusing on the specific trappings of the fantasy, will be more rewarding than trying a buffet of kinky gear to see if any of it sparks something inside you.

Who is this toy for and who is using it?

The next thing I'd suggest when seeking out a kinky toy is to think about who is going to be using it. Also, with whom are they going to be using it? Partly this is a practical consideration. For example, if you're buying a flogger for someone who is below average height or weight then you don't want to buy the heavy, three foot long flogger. A small person just won't feel comfortable with a giant flogger. Perhaps you're thinking of dripping warm wax on your partner? If they have sensitive skin you're going to want to find candles that burn at lower temperatures (soy candles are good for this) rather than bees wax candles which are very hot.
How I imagine bees wax candles feel.

As an example, I was once discussing trying bondage with a past partner. I was excited and ready to dive in, but she was more nervous and wanted to just dip her toe into the bondage pool. Keeping this in mind, I picked up some soft, adjustable rope cuffs rather than metal handcuffs or massive coils of rope. I still got to try out bondage and, as a bonus, didn't scare my partner in the process.

My point is that it's good to find toys you will find exciting, but keep in mind the person you're going to be using the toy with. Their size, how experienced they are, and what they found arousing should be a consideration.

Before you head out to buy new toys you might want to discuss your fantasies with your partner. If you're interested in trying out role playing costumes, do they have a particular fantasy in mind (strict teacher, naughty librarian, firefighter)? Assuming you're interested in bondage, do they feel more comfortable with the idea of rope or handcuffs? Perhaps you want to try being spanked, then you should discuss with your partner whether a long, soft flogger or a short, firm paddle would better suit your styles.
Or even a long, firm paddle?

Start with economical choices and find your focus

There is a common thread of wisdom that winds its way through the kink community which says "Buy good, quality equipment. It might be slightly more expensive, but quality toys can last years, maybe even a life time." This is good advice, when you already know what you like and want to experience the best possible version of a kink scene.

However, when you're just getting started, when you're still trying to find out what feels good, I believe it's worth taking a different approach. I feel it can be better to try a variety of toys at a lower price and find out if any of them appeal to you. Then, once you've sampled at the kink buffet for a while and you know what revs your motor, then look at investing more money in higher quality equipment.
Imagine this, but with sexy toys.

Getting economically priced toys early on might not be as much fun, but it'll free up your budget to try a wider variety of kinks and flavours of toys. Then you can double-down on the stuff you know you like based on your experiences.

The experts are here to help

Most adult toy stores you walk into are staffed with people who are familiar with kinky toys. They've probably either tried the toys themselves or been to a workshop where they learned about kinky implements. Chances are they've received lots of feedback from other customers - what fit well, which candles produce the wax that feels the best on their skin, which handcuffs are the most comfortable to wear. Be sure to share what you're looking for and ask their advice. Good toy store employees are like mystical gurus who want to help you have fun and play safely.
I will be your rope guru on the quest of kinkiness.

It might seem embarrassing at first to tell a stranger your innermost fantasies and seek their advice, but they've not only heard about similar erotic daydreams before, they encourage it! So share what gets you excited and see where they guide you!