A Beginner's Guide to Booty Play

for those that don't know sh*t about anal

First off why?  Just….why? We get asked this question so often, I kind of feel like a broken record - and I’m going to say here, the same thing I say in the shop.  Booty play is not for everyone, and I’m not here to make you like it (we’ve all had some guy try to do that and it’s irritating AF) what I am here to do is answer common questions and tell you how to pursue anal play safely. 

So, let’s get back to the original question - why would you wanna put something in your butt?

Your butt is is one of the most responsive erogenous zones on your body, and the anal canal is rich with super sensitive nerve endings.  Putting stuff in your back door not only stimulates those nerve endings, it can also narrow the vaginal canal and stimulate the clitoris and g-spot internally - causing a woman to feel incredibly full and super stimulated! Pretty good reason experiment if you ask me!!  

If you’re reading this, I’m going to assume it’s because you’re curious and want to learn about butt stuff.  If that’s the case, I need you to take any squeamishness and set it aside for the time being because I have to deal with the elephant in the room when it comes to butt play.  Everyone thinks it and wants to ask it. Isn’t there poop in there? Umm...no. Not unless you have to go. If you want to make sure, sure that you are 100% squeaky clean, you can try a cleansing bulb like the Ultimate Douche Kit that totally flushes everything out of your bum pre-booty play.

Ok great, we now know it’s mega sensitive back there and has the potential to be incredibly pleasurable AND we know how to feel extra clean, so the next question is typically how do you get started and should you go straight to doing it with a partner?

First things first folks.  Get yourself some super high quality lubricant.  Anal lubricant to be exact. Our personal faves are Sliquid Sassy Lube and Sutil Rich Body Glide.  If you learn nothing else here, please please learn the importance of a good anal lubricant.  Anal lube is extra thick and long lasting - your bum doesn’t produce any kind of natural lubrication, so not only will you need really great booty lube, you’ll also need to use lots of it.  


Now that you have great lube, you can start poking around (haha!) with some non-penatrative anal play.  This can be anything from stroking and finger play or toys and mouths - really we just want you to get an idea of what anal stimulation feels like and is a great way to working up to other kinds of anal play or realizing that that is all you ever really wanna do.  If you decide light anal play is all you really like, great! Stick with that and enjoy. The only rules to this kind of back door play is USE LUBE and only do things that feel good.

When you feel ready to move on to bigger things, consider investing in an anal training kit like the Cyrstals Tapered Plug Set. Why?  Well your anal sphincter is a muscle, and just like and other muscles in your body - it’ll work better when it’s relaxed and stretched. These handy butt plugs start super small and graduate in size.  They allow you to slowly increase in size in a totally comfortable way. Going from having nothing in your backdoor to having a whole penis try and get all up in there is just not comfortable and can actually be pretty painful.  Slow and steady always wins with butt play.

How do you safely put something in your bum?

Slowly and steadily with lots of patience and TONS of lube! Get ready for insertion by lightly pressing your toy or finger against your backdoor with minimal pressure.

When you’re ready:

  1. Take a deep breath and relax your pelvic floor muscles as you increase the pressure, slowly pushing your finger or toy inside.
  2. Try to insert the toy an inch or so over the course of about 3 or 4 minutes. Take your time here!  Patience = pleasure.
  3. If met with some resistance — which is totally normal — gently remove it, apply lube again, and try again.
  4. Once inside, explore different sensations and try using a gentle circular or thrusting motion.
  5. Be sure to reapply lube every time you take it out and start again.

How do you know you're ready to go from a small beginner butt plug to a mid-size toy?  Usually when you can easily insert your beginner toy without any discomfort or resistance you’re ready to move up in size.  We like to increase in ¼ inch segments - so don’t go jumping from a pinky to a penis!   

While we’re talking about penises, let's mention that it’s a great idea to try penatrative anal sex alone for the first time.  We’ve never met a patient penis. Have you? Small dildos like NS Colors 5” Dildo are a great way to try anal sex at your own pace.  Solo play lets you get a really great understanding of what feels good and what doesn’t - which will help you confidently communicate with a partner when you try anal sex together.  Not to mention, solo play can help you get past any unpleasant anal experiences you may have had previously, like the “sorry, I slipped” moment, or being pressured into it when you really didn't want to.  

We recommend using a condom for ALL ANAL SEX - like the Kimono Micro Thin Condom - whether you’re in a monagonmous relationship or trying it on with a small dildo, condoms keep things clean and tidy and prevent anal bacteria from spreading anywhere.  We also recommend keeping some baby wipes and a small, dark towel nearby. And even though we hope this goes without saying, we’re gonna say it anyway -

NEVERgo from anal sex to vaginal sex with the same condom! Like, never, ever, ever!  

Condom rainbow


This is a great time to talk about throwing other pleasure items into the mix!  We don’t stock all these great vibrators and nipple toys just to use on their own!  Once you’re in the booty groove, add in some clitoral vibration - or more!  Our current fave is the VOOM Charged Bullet 

Voom Charged Bullet in Pink


This combination of vibration and penetration feels overwhelming and unbelievably stimulating in a powerful way.  Which is probably what makes it worth all the hassle! There’s a lot of set up for successful anal sex - but when it’s done right and safely it’s totally worth it!  

If you’re doing all this butt play stuff with a partner, it’s super-duper important for you both to be really vocal and communicate before, during, and after about what’s happening/happened.  Let each other know when something feels good, or if something is happening too fast. Even if you’re normally quiet during sex - now is the time to be chatty with each other.



Will it hurt?


Yes and no. If done correctly, it can feel amazing. But that doesn’t mean you won’t experience some discomfort the first time — or even every time — you have anal penetration. Take your time, stop if it becomes uncomfortable, use lots of lubricant and try a smaller toy as you become accustomed to the sensation.


Is it normal to bleed?


Again the yes and no answer.  Sometimes there’s tiny little flecks of blood from anal tears during the first few attempts.  Before you freak out about the term “tear” let us explain that they are usually so tiny you won’t ever know they’re there.  But sometimes they’ll bleed (so yeah, lube is pretty important huh?) and sometimes they’ll cause some discomfort when you’re going to the bathroom.  They typically heal in a few days, and if they don’t, check in with your doctor. With proper foreplay and preparation, you shouldn’t have any bleeding after those beginning sessions.  If you do it could be a sign of rough or too soon penetration.


Will it affect my ability to poop?

You’re probably going to feel like you have to go to the bathroom directly after any kind of anal play, though you may be a little tender, anal sex won’t prevent you from pooping.  And despite urban myths, having anal sex won’t stretch out your anus and prevent you from holding in bowel movements.


Accept that there’s probably going to be some poop involved

Regardless of all the pre anal sex cleansing routines, poop is a reality of anal sex.  If the idea of that makes you super uncomfortable, anal sex might not be right for you.  There’s also lots of air that needs to escape afterwards!


Get squeaky clean ASAP

Share a post sex shower together or treat yourself to a long hot bath.  It’s important to tidy up after - and change condoms if you have the stamina to keep going.


Didn’t like it?

Don’t do it again.  If you followed all the tips and advice and you didn’t enjoy it, accept that it’s not for you and don’t let anyone pressure you into doing it.