The problemThe issue that I kept hearing about is that many people these days are on medication for something and many medications, particularly those related to mood (such as anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medicine) make it more difficult to orgasm. Most people, both men and women, can still get aroused while on these sorts of medications, but it can be devilishly difficult (or nearly impossible) for many people to reach the Big O. The medicines used to treat depression and anxiety are called Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors, or SSRIs.
I won't get into the details of why SSRIs make it more difficult to get aroused and reach orgasm, but people taking these medications tend to describe a lowering of sexual desire and 59% of people on SSRIs who were surveyed say they have trouble reaching orgasm while taking the medicine. When you consider that, at one point or another, over 16 million people in Canada and the United States will be prescribed an SSRI at any given time, this is a lot of folks who are finding orgasms more difficult to reach.
In other words, people on SSRIs still desire sex, still enjoy sex, and still get aroused during sex, but frequently have trouble reaching climax. I find women mention having this issue more often that men, possibly because they feel they can ask for help more freely, or perhaps because around 70% of SSRIs ar prescribed to women. Whatever the cause, I'd like to explore some tips to help people in general, and women in particular, reach the Peak Of Pleasure.
Prep work and supplies
Before embarking on any quest, whether it's for the Holy Grail or an anticipated orgasm, the key to success is to be prepared. You're going to want some supplies before you get started. What goes on an Orgasm Quest check-list? Well, you might want to get some bath bombs, a bottle of wine, maybe some candles. I recommend putting together a playlist of music which makes you feel relaxed, sensual, and sexy. Also consider picking up some kegel balls to practise with. Last, but far from least, I recommend some stimulating gel or lotion such as Sensuva On and a vibrator.
The idea here is to get a handful of items ready ahead of time so you can explore them at your leisure when the time is right. You don't want to get halfway through a sexy session and realize you haven't picked up any tingling lube!
Once you've filled your shopping cart, go home and try out some of the items on your own. Soak in the tub with a bath bomb, listen to some sexy music. Touch and explore yourself in bed or in the bath, possibly tease yourself a little with a vibrator - not necessarily with the intention of having an orgasm, but with the objective of having some relaxed fun on your own.
Some people recommend practising with kegel balls a few times a week to stimulate the internal muscles. Flex and squeeze your pelvic muscles. The more they get flexed, the more it gets things moving down there and the more in tune with yourself and your sexuality you're like to feel.
This is also a good opportunity to tease yourself a little. Watch a sexy movie on the weekend, text your partner flirty messages, write them an e-mail in which you share a fantasy. Being flirty and indulging in watching some on-screen eye candy is a good way to get yourself into the right mindset for great sex.
Setting the moodNow you've got the toys and the lotions, you've sent some flaming hot text messages to your lover, and you've been flexing your kegel muscles like you're training for the Olympics. Hopefully at this point you're feeling sexy, confident, and ready for a good time. What's next?
The next step is to set the stage for hot, fun, sweaty sex! This is a good opportunity to pour a few glasses of wine, put on a little mood music, maybe slip into lingerie that makes you feel good. Flirt with your partner, maybe suggest taking a bath or a shower together.
Ideally what you and your partner are doing at this point is focusing on enjoying each other, getting into a sexy mindframe, feeling good in the moment. This is a great time to focus on the journey, the process of seducing each other, rather than the destination. Feeling connected, relaxed, and passionate will likely help lead you to an orgasm, but even if it doesn't this approach will result in a fun time whether the Groundhog of Pleasure sees its shadow or not.
Once things have startedOnce you and your partner make it into the bedroom, try to stay in the mindset of enjoying the pleasure of the moment, rather than chasing after an orgasm. Climaxes are a lot like soap bubbles - the harder you try to catch them the more likely the are to disappear. I find it's better to focus on what you and your partner are experiencing in the moment. Talk to each other, try some different positions, act out a fantasy you both find hot. Make the lovemaking about having fun with each other rather than where you hope the evening will lead.
It may sound like a Zen paradox, but it's often easiest to achieve orgasm when letting go in the moment and just enjoying being where you are. Plus, even if you don't reach the top of Pleasure Peak, at least you and your partner will get to have amazing, hot sex together.
If at first you don't succeedEven the best laid plans don't always achieve the desires outcomes. If you find that you're just not reaching the Big O, despite your best efforts, or if you find you're getting frustrated and the sex isn't fun anymore, then it's time to stop. It's better to put a pause to sex while you're still enjoying it, rather than push on, trying to pull an orgasm out of your hat when the magic of the moment is gone. Some people get locked into the goal, will want to keep trying new positions or more toys, or try a little bit longer. While I admire their tenacity, it usually leaves both partners feeling like the scene isn't fun anymore and maybe more frustrated.
Stopping while the sex is still fun, even if it isn't building to an orgasm, is better in my opinion. It leaves things feeling good, leaves you wanting more later. Plus it means you've stopped on your own terms while having fun, rather than pushing on and maybe feeling like you failed.
The good news is you can always try again later. Talk about more fantasies you want to try, invite feedback from your partner. See what other hot things you can try together. Maybe you want to try sex in another place, or dress up in costumes, or get tied up next time? Share those ideas. Keep finding ways to keep sex fun and entertaining, sexy and silly. I encourage people to keep exploring what makes them feel good and, eventually, the special, climactic tingles will follow.