Welcome to the crimson moon - an introduction to spanking

Do you know what is great about spanking? Why don't you come lay across my lap for a moment, get comfortable, and I'll tell you.

 

What is spanking?

 

Spanking is one of our society's more popular kinks. It involves one person striking another person's bottom (and sometimes upper thighs), usually with their hand, but sometimes with a toy such as a paddle, leather strap, or other flat object. the person providing the spanking is called a “Top” while the person receiving a spanking is called a “Bottom”. If you're unfamiliar with the terms Top, Bottom, or kink scene then please check out our Intro to BDSM post and our article on Planning Kink Scenes as they will provide some helpful background.

 

Why would I want to be spanked?

 

The first thing you might be wondering is why you might want to get spanked. After all, isn't that going to hurt? There are a variety of reasons and most of them don't involve discomfort. For some people they get a rush from the taboo of the experience. Getting spanked feels naughty or forbidden and, as with most things we shouldn't do, there is a rush in doing it.

Sometimes it is fun to be naughty

 

For others they like the slight sting or tingle they get from a hand caressing and smacking against their bottom. It's a little jolt that perks them up, like being lightly bitten by a lover - it's more playful than painful. And, as with biting or pinching, the body physically reacts to spanking. Slapping any part of the body causes endorphins to be released which make people feel happy, and blood flows into the struck area. When a person is being spanked the red glow their bottom gets is from increased blood pulsing through the area. When a person's bottom and upper thighs are spanked the increased blood flow often also enters the genitals, causing physical arousal even if the person wasn't in the mindset to be turned on.

 

Of course some people do enjoy pain. A little dose of pain makes other sensations, including pleasurable ones, more intense. Not unlike how a bitter sauce can make other foods taste sweeter, a little bit of pain can enhance feelings of pleasure. This makes spanking a welcome addition to many couples' foreplay.

Among other things

 

Some people like to Bottom for spanking scenes because it allows them to “zone out”. There is a meditative aspect to most kink scenes, including spanking. The person being spanked usually doesn't have much to do, apart from relaxing and getting lost in the moment. Some people find this refreshing and calming.

 

Why would someone want to spank their partner?

 

You might be wondering what kind of person wants to hit another person, even in a consensual and positive kink scene. Which is a fair question, people are typically told throughout their lives not to hit another person. However, that advice applies to people who do not wish to be struck; when engaged in a spanking scene with an enthusiastic partner it is perfectly okay to spank them. Spanking, as with any other kink, is practised between consenting adults who have negotiated the activity as equals prior to the kinky play taking place. Any spanking that occurs without enthusiastic agreement between both parties isn't a kink, it's abuse and a whole other topic.

This scene caught the interest of many people

 

Still, why would someone want to Top another person and spank them? There are a few reasons. As I mentioned before, spanking is a little taboo, a bit naughty, and both people in a scene can enjoy that. Tops often find it fun to hear the rhythmic sound of their hand smacking against their partner's ass, and enjoy seeing the Bottom's arse begin to glow red - it's primal and exciting. In a similar vein, the person getting spanked usually is in a position which bears their bottom and (sometimes) genitals, which is erotic.

 

I mentioned before there is a meditative quality to most kink scenes for a Bottom and Tops can get lost in the activity too. A person who is spanking their partner is typically focused and their mind is cleared from thinking about work, bills, or whether it's garbage day. Spanking another person can be like a good workout that clears the mind and exercises the body - or at least the arm!

 

How do people like to spank each other?

 

When the topic of spanking comes up with people who haven't tried it before a question I often hear from them is: "But won't that hurt?" Or, a variation such as, "But what if I don't like the idea of my partner punishing me?" There is a prevalent idea, which is often encouraged by the media, that people engaged in kinky spanking sessions are doing so to deliver a punishment or cause pain. While those points can both be true, there is a wide spectrum when it comes to spanking scenes. There are at least four different styles you might want to try with your partner.

There will be a quiz

 

The first style is one which I'll refer to as Educational or Experimental. In this case both people take things slow, the session stays fairly light and light-hearted. The focus isn't on playing hard or punishing, instead the focus is on learning from each other. What does each person like, what does the spanking feel like to the Top and the Bottom, what feels comfortable? There tends to be a lot of chatting, a lot of "checking in" with each other, and the impact stays fairly light to allow both people to experiment.

 

Another style I'd like to share is Rhythmic. This is probably the most common style I have encountered. In it the Top will start off light and gradually build up the intensity of the spanking. They may back off occasionally or pick up a toy to use, but generally speaking the Top slowly makes the scene more intense and then settles into a rhythm the Bottom enjoys. The striking rhythm should be steady and smooth with few surprises. Bottoms tend to find this style relaxing and comfortable. While it may also hurt a little, it's well within the bottom's comfort level and the steady rhythm of the spanking tends to become meditative for both people.

Plus he needs to practise

The stereotypical style often portrayed in movies and novels is Punishment spanking. This style can vary a bit, but it tends to happen in BDSM relationships where the Bottom has broken a rule or done something bratty in order to entice their partner to spank them. The session usually starts and remains intense with harder, faster strikes from the Top. While many people incorporate this harder style into their BDSM dynamics, it's less common at kink clubs or between casual partners.

 

The final style I would like to talk about is Erotic. An erotic spanking usually takes place between two people who share a sexual relationship. The spanking tends to start off light, there may be a lot of touching or groping between less-frequent swats on the ass. Often the Bottom in the scene will take off their clothes and may be groped during the session. Some Bottoms will use plugs, vibrators, or other toys during the session in order to get off. An erotic spanking is often a form of foreplay that leads into sex. While Erotic spanking sessions can be a lot of fun for both people, they tend to only happen between established sexual partners. For many people spanking is not a form of foreplay and, when in doubt, do not assume your partner wants an Erotic spanking. Most spanking scenes in clubs and public parties are Educational or Rhythmic rather than Erotic.

Negotiate before the scene begins to avoid surprises

 

How does a spanking scene usually play out?

There are generally three or four main parts to a spanking scene. The first, and I might suggest most important aspect, is the pre-scene negotiation. I have talked about scene negotiation before. This is an opportunity for both the Top and Bottom is talk about what they want to experience in the scene. Does the Bottom have old injuries or asthma? Should the person receiving the spanking keep their clothes on, strip down to underwear, or be naked? Is sexual touching allowed during the scene? How can the Top tell whether they should be spanking harder or softer? What toys, like paddles or straps, should be used, if any? At what point should the scene stop naturally - in the case of a Punishment spanking should the Bottom offer an apology, does the Top keep going until they run out of spanking toys, should the Top continue until their arm gets tired? If either person needs to pause the scene for any reason, what should they say in order to bring the spanking to a halt?

 

These are all important questions to discuss and answer up front before anyone bends over the arm of the couch or lays across the other person's lap. Clear communication and shared expectations make for a good scene and, when it comes to spanking, surprises are usually unwelcome.

 

Once the scene begins in earnest we enter the warm-up phase. At this point the Top starts out lightly, using their hand or a soft toy. The idea is to ease the recipient into the experience, letting the Bottom's body get used to gentle impact before the spanking becomes intense. It's a lot like carefully stretching before playing a sport. The warm-up usually causes the Bottom's ass to glow pink after a few minutes.

The shade of pink should be somewhere in this range

 

When the warm-up is over the Top will usually start spanking a little harder or introduce some impact toys. Partners often banter during this time, try different angles, or introduce impact implements. This continues until one or both participants feel the spanking has gone on long enough and want to stop the scene.

 

The final portion of the scene is aftercare. Taking a lot of impact to any part of the body, whether it is in playful fun or not, takes its toll. People who have Bottomed often feel tired or spaced out after a scene is finished. They may feel dehydrated or hungry. After more intense scenes a Bottom may also experience what is called "drop" where the endorphins wear off and they suddenly feel tired or depressed. This is a natural side-effect of the body responding to impact and will pass, usually after a few hours or a day. However one thing which can help the "drop" pass is the Top taking time to care for their scene partner.

 

Aftercare should be negotiated before a scene starts and often involves bringing the Bottom a blanket and water, sitting and talking to them for a while, maybe offering them a treat like a piece of chocolate. Tell them what you enjoyed about the scene. Basically look after them the same way you would a friend who has just run a race so they can physically and emotionally bounce back.

Maybe they just finished a race or maybe they got spanked. Who can tell?

 

A word of warning about evolving scenes and safewords

 

Earlier I mentioned that, during the negotiation phase before a spanking scene, it is a good idea to decide how a scene should come to its conclusion. Often people assume that a safeword, a specific word chosen to end a scene, will be used if one or both people want a scene to stop. While safewords have their uses, I feel it is mistake to rely on them, for two reasons.

 

The first is that some Bottoms, when they get into a scene, find they want to keep taking more and more sensations. They don't want to "tap out", they want to push. Maybe they want to test their limits, or they want to make their partner proud, or the endorphins pumping through their veins dull any pain so they aren't aware of how much impact they are taking. When this happens a Bottom can seem content, even "spacey", and not call an end to the scene.

 

In other situations, a Bottom may realize they are in over their head, but not feel they can speak up. A Bottom can "go silent" and have trouble vocalizing that they need to stop. This could be because they are spacey, or are embarrassed that they need to stop. In either of these situations, a Top who is waiting for a safeword to mark the end of a scene will be waiting in vain and may not realize they should stop.

This can also prevent someone from using their safeword.

 

For this reason, I encourage kinky spankers to adopt a proactive check-in approach. Have the Top talk to the Bottom and ask questions like "Would you like to keep going?" and pause until they get a positive response. Or ask an inviting question such as "Have you had enough?" If the Bottom doesn't respond, or responds in a way that indicates they no longer wish to continue, then the scene should be paused. Using this "opt-in" approach with regular check-ins helps avoid either person continuing the scene longer than is comfortable.

 

In conclusion

 

Spanking, when approached with a playful attitude and an eye toward making sure both people have fun with it, can be a positive and invigorating way to spice up foreplay or a date with a kinky partner. While spanking is often associated with punishment (or what some role playing kinksters call "funishment"), spanking can take on many forms. A good spanking is a positive event for both participants and can release endorphins which give the Bottom a warm, relaxed feeling. It is worth playing around with a few different styles, and toys, to see what approaches appeal to you.