Ask Jay - Choosing your first vibrator

Miss-ing Out asks: Any advice for a first-time vibrator buyer? There's a lot of options to choose from and I don't know where to start? What should I be looking for? What's a good beginner toy?

Jay answers: There are a lot of toy options out there, especially when it comes to vibrators. There are lots of different kinds, styles, colours, materials... And it's hard to know what you'll like. I don't know about you, but the first time I looked at a wall display of vibrators, it was intimidating because there were just so many shapes and sizes to choose from.

My suggestion to you is to focus on quantity over quality for your first toys.

Wait, did you just say....?

You might be thinking I got that backwards, because surely I meant to suggest you pick a good quality toy rather than a bunch of cheap items that won't last? Which is fair, that would sound like good advice and it's what most sex advice experts and adult toy gurus will tell you - get a good quality, top of the line vibrator that will make you happy for years to come. It's solid advice, most of the time, except for one thing: you don't know yet what kind of toy will make you happy. 


This is your first toy and there isn't any way to tell from looking at them in the shop (or on-line) which ones you will like. Maybe your body craves the smooth, hard touch of a glass dildo; or maybe you want something softer and more yielding; perhaps what will really ring your pleasure doorbell is a wand so powerful it'll make your ribcage rattle. I don't know and, more importantly, it sounds like you haven't discovered the answer yet.

So my recommendation is to start by trying out a variety of types and styles of toy. I wrote about the many different styles of vibrators a little while ago. I'd suggest reading through the available categories and see if any of them in particular arouse your attention. Then pick a few different types to try - perhaps a classic vibrator, a wand, and a suction vibe at first. Focus on the simple, inexpensive models to start and begin with some variety in your collection. Then clear some time in your schedule and try each toy two or three or four times - for science!

Having orgasms in the pursuit of knowledge is noble.

Once you've tried three or four different types of vibrators, once you know which one makes your lady parts shoot off fireworks like it's Canada Day, then I recommend checking out the more advanced, polished, luxury models of your favourite type of toy. If wands are what really make you happy, treat yourself to a variable-speed, pulsing action version that you can take into the bathtub with you. If you love the feel of a suction massage on your clit, then rev things up with a Womanizer that will knock your socks off.

The key, in my opinion, is first figuring out what kind of stimulation you like through a variety of affordable experiments, and then upgrade that experience once you know what you love. It's like sampling a variety pack of small chocolates to find out if you prefer light or dark chocolate before buying the Belgian chocolate bar, but with more orgasms.

Probably

While we are on the subject, I suggest the same advice to people, whether they are men or women or non-binary, looking for any new type of toy. Start with a some variety, cast a wide net. There is nothing wrong with browsing a little and trying out a few things first. Chances are you'll find two or three things you do like and a couple you don't. Then you can really focus your attention on the toys which bring you pleasure without spending big money on something you might not love.